"Is your life a life worth living?"

“A successful life is the result of understanding the law of cause and effect; how well we define our problems; what we decide are our choices; what choices we decide are the best ones; our resolve to see our decisions through and the habits we refine over time to comply with the law of cause and effect.”

Francis X Cavalli

The Examined Path to a Fulfilled Life

The state of morality hasn’t been substantially elevated since the days of Adam and Eve. Yet, in our society, we desire a life of morality, ethics, happiness and fulfillment. What must we do to achieve the life of goodness that we all desire? These questions are philosophical in nature and so we must go to the greatest minds on these subjects and ask what they have to say about life’s search for fulfillment and happiness. The statement which leads to the question “Is you life a life worth living?” was made by Socrates (469 BC to 399 BC). His entire statement was “An unexamined life is a life not worth living”. A follower of Socrates and a student of Plato was Aristotle who stated “An unplanned life is not worth examining”. These 2 statements combined sound like the quandary of what came first, the chicken or the egg? If you can’t examine a life that has not been planned why you would plan your life if you haven’t examined what things in life are important or waste your life on those things that are unimportant? That would be like living your life as if it were a jail sentence.

Cause and Effect

A simple definition to help us to begin to understand meaning of the word life is “Life is time and what we choose to do with it”. Since we are all given 24 hours in a day, the difference between one life or another, except for misfortune, must be attributed to the results they achieve, which are the outcomes of their choices that they have made. Most times the things we choose to do are the things that we’ve done out of habit. In many cases those habits are not purposeful choices. But whether they are purposeful choices or not, those habits will all lead us somewhere, whether it is to the top of a mountain or the back of a dark alley. It is the law of cause and effect.

An Effortless Life

Since we all strive to solve the riddle of our lives, I must share with you another quote that will shed light on our quest. Aristotle said “We should strive to live an effortless life”. When I was first confronted with this thought I said to myself “what about life is effortless”? Is Aristotle relevant in today’s society or could it be that Aristotle was just referring to play? On closer examination, Aristotle’s emphasis was not on the word effortless, but was on the word strive. He meant that if we are diligent, if we strive to gradually discover what is important to us and create a plan to achieve those goals we will, through the examination of cause and effect, refine our habits and achieve our desires. When we get into the habit of making better choices they will eventually lead us to how we wish to be and where we want to go. There are no quick fixes. It is those developed habits of good choice which produce good results that Aristotle was referring to, that will lead us to live an effortless life. Everyone knows that habits require little effort. That is why they can be a dread or a blessing.

Habits examined

“Most times it isn’t the weakest link in the chain, but that the whole chain is a little rusty”.

Why don't we make better choices more often? Do we actually want unsatisfactory and unhappy consequences? No. That would be illogical and even insane. Let's take a look at how we typically decide. In the most direct sense we recall what our experiences have been on the subject and we come to a decision in the hope of a favorable outcome or we make an expedient choice that seems to be the right one at that particular time. Other times we might ask for advice, but in the end the final decision is usually up to us.
Habits are the seedlings of our future. They are the harbingers of our fate. They are like the nature of good seeds and bad seeds. Bad habits produce bad fruit and good habits bear good fruit. Habits are recurring, automatic behaviors that do not require forethought. Doing certain things, a certain way; every day will result in a cumulative effect. Habits can have the happy cumulative effect of success or can have the unhappy cumulative effect of failure. The insidious nature of negative habits becomes more ominous and obvious as time goes by. If our objectives are for the short term then possibly our habits will not be detrimental. But if we are to live a long, happy, healthier and prosperous life we need to develop habits that will bear good fruit in the long term. There is a saying that a habit can be made or broken in 30 days. If that is true start now to determine the quality of your life. You must decide if you wish to become a contributor or a dependent; have a life of happiness or sadness; live in a state of health or disease; be a person of education and illiteracy; a person of wealth or destitution. What habits must we change and aquire to achieve those ends?

Define and Refine the Problem

"The problem with decisions is that they are problems to be solved."

There is a saying “a problem when clearly defined is half solved”. To help clarify your  problem, try defining it in three different ways and not jut one.Think of 3 famous people; a political thinker, a relgious figure and a comedian. Ask yourself "How would they define my problem?" When a problem is clearly defined and the cause of the problem is revealed and examined closely, we can confidently choose the course of action that not only solves the problem but also eliminates or modifies the cause of it recurring in the future. We must clearly determine our present strengths as they relate to  our time, skills and resourses at hand to understand the possible solutions available to us to solve our problem and reach our objective.  It is understood that life is not dichotomous or simple and motives are quite elusive but our action to refine our understanding of our problems is our mandate for a good life.

A Better Method

Are there methodologies that could guide us through this maze of life without infringing on the rights and lives of others and yet still keep up with the mainstream so we could flourish and become happy and successful by being on the mark more of the time than not? How can we prevent ourselves from making the same mistakes and falling into the same traps which result in unsatisfactory outcomes and an unhappy life? There is hope! There is a method we can use that may not work 100% of the time but the results are frequent and sweet enough that we will begin to apply its principles more of the time. I call it the PRISM.

How and why the PRISM process works

“If you know where you are going your steps going forward will be more certain”.

The Elements of a Success: Problems understood, Problems solved; Causes resolved with a clear Objective in view. (see below)

Problem –How would I define my present Frustration – Discomfort – Confusion?

Cause – What has contributed to this situation? What was its origin?

Clarification – I will not continue without a clear restatement and re-definition of the problem

Objective– Beacon - Goal – Aim –End in View - Intention – Premise - Outcome – Purpose   – Desire – Philosophical Ideal - What is the ideal, most favorable end result I wish to attain?

Consequences - What are the possible effects on me and those around me?

Solution - A decision for an action that is to be taken and is seen to its completion

Resolution – Examine the original cause of the problem and exert your will power to apply the remedy for its elimination.

The better way is to develop an evolving philosophy in each of the 12 major facets of our life that will act as our Prisms or guidelines for our future decisions.

The 12 major facets are the:

Spiritual - Physical - Mental – Emotional – Relational – Re-Creational - Occupational – Financial – Moral/Ethical – Political - Materialistic and the Altruistic. 

Our evolving philosophies that we create become the various objectives in our life. Our chosen, and now conscious, philosophy becomes a Prism through which we will examine our choices when we are confronted with the problem of a decision in one of the 12 important facets of our life.We now know where we want to go. We then make a mental note of the outcome i.e., the effect; our decision has caused, which is then reflected back upon our evolving philosophy which subsequently becomes more and more refined. In other words we create an evolutionary loop. Over time, we will achieve more favorable outcomes more of the time. The habit of looking through our Prism becomes more instinctual and we develop what Aristotle termed as, “the habit of good choices, which will lead us to live an effortless life.”

"Our lives can be likened to a diamond. If one of its facets is dull the brilliance of the whole diamond becomes diminished."

Thoughts to Consider - Better Questions

So we must choose wisely with what we do with the 24 hours of our life.
What is important to me?
What is really important to me?
How have I gotten to the place I am now?
Am I satisfied with my present situation?
Are the things I have done in the past to get me where I am today going to get me where I want to be in the future?
Are there skills that I must learn and develop to attain my future aspirations?
Are the thoughts that I choose to dwell on and the emotions I choose to express a source of my happiness?
Do I let my expectations of others, no matter how reasonable they might seem to be, cause me pain and sorrow, even anger? Why?
Am I seeing the big picture?
Am I using time to my best advantage?
Am I living my life to the fullest?
Am I standing in my own way?
Am I in control?
Am I asking the right questions?
This is the kind of examination that Socrates and Aristotle were referring to. This is the kind of examination that will lead us to a life worth living. If you want better answers for your life you must ask better questions. 



The Help of a Coach

Many people don’t ask these questions or if they do they, more times than not, come to expedient conclusions. They can be successful to a degree but they never feel they have reached their full potential. Some people find it valuable to have someone to help them think through their problems, questions, answers, conclusions and choices. They want someone to hold them accountable without being critical and to celebrate with them as they draw closer to their aspirations. These are but a few of the reasons people find that life coaches so valuable. But it takes courage to begin. 

The Coach

It is difficult to step outside of ourselves to observe the nature of our habits. That is where your trained coach is, on the outside. The coach is the questioner, the feedback, the loop and the compass. We can clearly see the importance of the right questions, because they give us clarity on what path to choose to get out of where we are and to go towards where we wish to go. The proper questions can lead us to the right answers. Our solutions are not about the answers as much as they are about the right questions. With a coach we  become less subjective more objective and can more easily recognize the path that must be taken. It is in the query, in the discovery process where we cannot delude ourselves or there will no chance for reparation or a clear path for our fulfillment.


My Coaching Process

If we agree to begin:

1. We will enter into an agreement of what you can expect of me and what I will expect of   you.
2. I will send you a few questions for you to answer. One of the pages you will return to me will be with the answers in your natural handwriting.
3. I will then compile all your information which will include a Graphoanalytical assessment of the dynamics of your personality. That will be the foundation of your initial profile. The result will be that I will have a deeper level of understanding of you in a shorter period of time.
4. You will decide, after reviewing all your information, what area of your life you wish to be your first priority.
5. I will coach you to create your evolving philosophy ( Prism) in each of the 12 facets of your Whole Life Plan.

Our Introduction

1. Send me an email
2. I will answer your email to set up a convenient time for us to talk
3. We’ll have a free telephone consultation to answer your questions and get the “feel” of   each other.
4. If that goes mutually well I will send you some information to read and  a few  questions for you to answer and return to me.
5. When I receive your information I will make an assessment that I will share with you.
6. The result could be a mutual agreement to begin the process.

"Your results will be Satisfying, Substantial, Substantive and Sustainable. 

 Your Potentiality will become your Actuality.

 You must exhibit the courage to take the first step and reach out.

I am Francis X Cavalli, Certified Whole Life Coach

Please email me at FrankCavalli@PrivacyHarbor.com